Don’t Do Drugs

Validation is a hell of a drug.

Listen up baby girl. It’s never been about them. It’s not about them. And it will never be about them. The temptation to dip into the cool pool of validation can be overwhelming, heck I do it all the time. However, as part of my self-love journey, I’m learning to stop investing in what doesn’t build me up as a person. I’m finding that I spend so much time trying to look ‘pretty’ and cover up all my blemishes, but when I look inward, the reality is that I am doing it so that people can see me in a better light–I’m looking for validation.

But what we often don’t realize is that the search for validation will prove futile because it doesn’t really exist–there will always be someone smarter, prettier and clearer-faced than you. Thus, accept the facts of the day, look in the mirror and validate yourself. Then, spend your time and money on things that will grow you as a person and get you closer to your goals.

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“I love you just the way you are girl, you don’t have to change a single thing.” – Taurus Riley

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Sometimes the place you’re used to is not where you belong.

Love Lies

Tell me what I did, because I must have done something. We can’t just be broken all of a sudden! Okay, not all of a sudden, but I refuse to accept that something can be broken, yet no one took the action to break it. It can’t be you. At least I don’t want it to be because then you’ll be responsible for my hurt, and those tears I shed in the brief moments I allowed myself to have feelings. But if I broke us then I’m responsible for it and in some twisted way then I have the power and I’d rather that.

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Safari

“Sometimes it’s not about the destination, but the journey.”
– Derek Shepherd.

These days I’m finding that I have to constantly remind myself of who I am and where I have come from. It’s easy to get lost in comparing yourself to those that surround you. But comparisons have no context, and those–contexts–are important.

Whenever, you find yourself wanting to break down because you feel you’re simply not as good, beautiful, skinny, curvy, bootylicious, smart, stable, handsome, pretty, social, remember you’re still on your journey and that’s all that is important. The keyword is you.

Oh, and remember: “Stop givin’ attention to what you don’t want in life or be prepared to experience it the most.”                                                         – B.o.b

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Mangoes Aren’t Always Sweet

We tend, no let me speak for myself, I tend to create a vision of how I expect certain scenarios or situations to play out then get upset when they don’t, even when it’s not necessarily a bad outcome.

I spent months dreaming about things would like if they finally happened for us. Maybe you’d write me sweet notes all time and know just what to do to make me smile. You’d get me my favorite candy on my birthday and only then cause sugar and I don’t get along. And you’d frequently gift me with books because you know that shit feeds my soul. Then on Valentines Day you’d do some cheesy shit that would make me smirk, you know my signature smile that I make only when I feel truly happy.

But when you didn’t tick all the boxes on my perfect guy checklist I was disappointed in you at first. Then I realized I should have been disappointed in me. I was the one standing between myself and happiness because truth be told everyone is responsible for their happiness. So I trashed the list, got rid of all my ridiculous expectations that I’d drawn from TV shows and I accepted my truth. You make me smirk for different reasons and feed my soul in other ways so that happy juice flows in my veins.

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Baby girl, I’m not telling you to get rid of your standards or expectations entirely but open your eyes a little wider, you may find the world you take in surpasses what you initially thought. Because not all mangoes are sweet and its the sour ones that make your toes curl. Sure its not sweet, but sour is a rich flavor and far more memorable.

The Big Bad World!

We often hinge our happiness and sense of content on another human being convinced that they are the one. You know, maybe he’ll be the one smiling like an idiot barely able to stand still in that one spot at the front of the church as I march down the aisle to Pachelbel Canon in D. I’ve always dreamed that it was going to be a live orchestra and Michel, my friend, would definitely be the one on the trumpet. And we’ll both smile because in that moment all that matters is the two of us. The reality hits and you realize that foul can be fair and fair can be foul . I used to frown upon the pessimists of the world who believed there was nothing good in the world, but maybe they have a point.

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I’m Back!

Okay, first of all, I’m back! I’m so sorry I disappeared for a like year, gosh it’s been so long. Senior year was tough plus some technical difficulties. Anyway, I’m so touched people have constantly been checking on the blog now you’ll get some new content when you do.

“If you can’t do it with feeling,
Then don’t”             IMG-20170910-WA0001.jpg~Unknown

Candle In The Sky.

“I hear you speak about we a lot,
Oh you speak French now?”
-Party Next Door.

Always calling but never called, always loving but never loved, always caring but never cared for.

You used to love me. At least I think so. I long to see that desire you had for me in your eyes again.To have you hang on to my hand longingly never wanting to let go. I wanna have your body close to mine again. To have that childish smile grace my face whenever our song came on or I got a text from you.

Maybe it was over long before it started. Maybe I’m crazy and you never loved me. Maybe I’m delusional and  I’ve just been feeding these feelings with memories that were probably nothing more than a moment. Things change, people change ,feelings change too never thought the circumstances would have changed you . But then again the way that I love you rolled off your tongue sounded so sweet. My hand fit perfectly into yours, almost like they were made to fit into each other. I never thought I would find myself sitting up at 3 a.m wondering where we went wrong. We really could have been something.

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So I delve into my escape, because at least in this reality I don’t need you and you never hurt me. Here, tears are only shed for joy and laughter. I need to believe that I don’t need you. So I keep telling myself that princesses dream of princes but queens don’t need kings. My crown must be pretty heavy cause mornings are never friendly with throbbing heads and lights always seem to be blinding. But that’s how I liked them. You were my sun, moon and stars.

 

SURRENDER

Whenever you’re ready,
Can we surrender?

Problem is I can’t ask you to wait for me because I don’t know if I will ever be ready or even accept to surrender for that matter. My brain has taken my heart captive so I can’t tell you how I feel about you. Not because I won’t but because I don’t know. It’s tedious I know, but don’t you think I’m tired too? Tired of not knowing. Tired of disappointing you.Tired of our series of almost interactions  but never truly us.

They say a good story starts-
with,”Once upon a time…”
Comes to an end with,
“Happily ever after”.

Well then I guess ours-
Just wasn’t a good story.
Always you and me but never us,
A complicated series of almost interactions.

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“I wanted you stay,
But I let you drift away.”
-Natalie Taylor.

“Love- a wildly misunderstood concept although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which  weakens the brain , causes your eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker.”

-Unknown