Can I?

Sitting here thinking of us taking our time in slow motion. Thinking what am too afraid to say out loud, because being who I truly am isn’t cool. World Commandment number 1: “Never be yourself.” I keep it all in not knowing it’s eating me away slowly by slowly on the inside. I can’t express to you how I feel because . . . I just can’t. I have experienced a lot with you but now I’m sitting back reminiscing–wondering if it was all worth it. Throwing away who I was for you? It’s funny that even after you’re gone I’m still not willing to be who I am.

When I first heard, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. For a minute I was dead. I mean, I always knew you were toxic but you always made me feel some typa way babe. Yet the pain and anguish you put me through are incomparable. So why wasn’t I happy? Why did I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness? Then it hit. My knees hit the ground and my arms took to my face in an attempt to clear up the tears. Sobbing uncontrollably at the thought of never seeing you again shook my whole world. I wanted you to stay here with me. I would have even told you how I truly felt. I know we were over ages ago and we don’t talk but I would tell you. Love is the greatness that conquers anything. If you can’t return to me then I will come to you. The breeze up here is strong but I guess there’s no wind in hell. The air brushes aggressively against my face in my descent. See you soon babe.

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